Directly in front of me I see a computer screen, then my boots propped on my desk, then an ugly wall. Beyond the wall I am using my experience and imagination, but I’m certain that there is a hallway, two other walls, a short piece of grassed land, woods, houses, Highway 278, Newton County, northeast Georgia… My mind catalogues everything I know into space and time markers. I have no memory that doesn’t include a picture of some sort and an affiliation with some particular time or season of my life. Our minds are beautiful in the way that they can capture, categorize, and recall events and impressions. Everything that I know to be true has been affirmed and re-affirmed through sensory input for over a billion ticking seconds of awareness. Frame by frame my mind files away details and data that create a hazy scratch-n-sniff photo-album full of images and smells and sounds and impressions.
The one thing in this universe that I cannot reduce to a set of observations is God. He is infinitly beyond my mind’s capacity. He is the exception to every rule. He is, at the same time, aware of time, and beyond it. I just can’t process that. How could God have an awareness of time, yet not experience time? Somehow God does.He just is! I think herein lies the great conflict of humanity and the beginnings of a thing called faith. The conflict is, of course, that we insist upon knowing that which we cannot possibly know. The moment that God becomes un-mysterious to you, He has ceased to be an all-powerful infinite God, but rather some creation of your own pride and ignorance. There are things that we know to be true about God…revealed things…experienced things…even seen things, but the image is infinitely incomplete. Faith in the God of the Bible requires us to relinquish our experiential confidence. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)”
If I am going to surrender my life to God, then I must be in constant pursuit of greater understanding of Him. If I’m going to live a life of faith, however, I must be humbly at peace with my limitations. God has made himself known, but he will not be discovered. He cannot be revealed or explained. He is no “Wizard of Oz”. There is certainly a part of me that wants to have everything figured out, but I sure am glad that God is much much bigger than my comprehension. His nature is paradoxical and unnatural. His size and power are unthinkable. His plans are often illogical. His Knowledge is unfathomable. He is limitless! The more I understand of him the more I love him. T
hat thought helps me to grasp heaven a little better. One endless day I will know him in way that will overwhelm everything but love. Then…I will spend eternity exploring his perfection.
I’ve been thinking a lot about discipleship. I have several intuitive thoughts that I’ve decided to work out…right here…right now… I’m genuinely interested in feedback and would love to incite some dialogue.
My walk with Christ is the most important and defining part of me and of my worldview. I have dedicated my life, career, family, and resources to building the Kingdom of God, through my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe Jesus is my savior and my access to the Father. This is all absolutely true!!! I know that my life is in the hands of a perfect Father. So…Why am I so perpetually frustrated in my relationship with God? Why do I feel that the rituals and plans that have been prescribed to me always fall short of the promised intimacy and fulfillment? Why do I secretly wonder if others experience the same dryness? Even as I wrote that last question, I feared the judgment of the faithful ones, who just ended their quiet time with tears and tingles…
So here’s the UGLY truth…I can’t stand the phrase “quiet time”! For as long as I can remember “quiet time” has been the scourge of my Christian experience. I’ve been led to believe that the definitive gauge of my growth in and love for God is the quality of my quiet time! My relationship with God can best be expressed in some variation of this formula: 1)Have a consistent place that is comfortable and free of distraction 2)begin with prayer 3)move on to the word- a predetermined plan is preferable. 4)end with prayer and/or journal. All of this should take a minimum of 15 minutes (for beginners) or longer in proportion to ones spiritual maturity and depth…more than an hour is dangerous, as the very real possibility of self-righteousness begins to develop. Therefore, one should have a lengthy quiet time, but not so much as to promote pride. While variations of this formula do occur and are widely accepted, it should be noted that God only gives full credit for complete compliance and that partial compliance to this time honored formula is only acceptable in the case of extreme busyness, family emergency, or on the backside a conference or retreat and partial credit will only be allowed for an ambiguous amount of time… Please don’t be too put out by my sarcasm…I really can’t help it…you see… I didn’t have a quality quiet time today!!!
Seriously, I’ve recently been thinking about the undeniable human tendency to reduce the abstract and spiritual mysteries into a formula that can be distilled and packaged and reproduced. The problem isn’t “quiet time” or the notion of spending quality time with God. I think the problem begins with our understanding of relational connectivity to The God of the universe. Nowhere in scripture does God command us to dedicate a certain time to being with him. Nor does his proximity to us change based on our awareness of his presence…he is ever-present. God is not confined by any force! He is in all times and all places at the same time. Therefore it is silly of me to suggest that I will meet him at a certain time and place, as if he’s waiting there checking his watch. Many people that I talk to describe their “quiet time” as if it were an appointment or an item on the “to do” list. They will say “I’ve got to get back in the habit of doing my quiet time” or “I missed my quiet time this morning…I’m really struggling”. People seem to really think of it as a spiritual obligation. If I ask someone “how are you doing spiritually?” nine times out of ten they will respond “well, I’ve been working on my quiet time”. It seems to me that adherence to some spiritual formula is really tricky business, in light of the fact that the Biblical formula to meditate on the word of God at all times and to pray without ceasing doesn’t seem to allow for allotments of “God ” time. As I read the Scriptures, God is the absolute owner of my life, time, and resources. He doesn’t require some allotment of your time to satisfy his relational appetite, but rather has orchestrated a situation wherein you and I fully belong to Him! I actually think that as a Christian culture we have replaced “die to self” with the far more palatable “devotional time”. Death is too permanent and inconvenient. I’ve got far too many things to accomplish today…to be dead! Instead of getting caught up in the mysterious spiritual stuff, we are comforted by a measurable formula! Then we say,” Oh! I get it! Death to self means 30 minutes to an hour of devoted “god time! That is something I can do…just not today…I got too much to do!” The point is, if God doesn’t have all of me He doesn’t have me at all! If I believe that God is something to be added to my schedule, then I’ve fundamentally misunderstood the deal that God has offered to me in Christ!
I recognize that, on a practical level, sincere believers want to know how to remain in or abide in Christ…to walk with him daily. The answer to this question isn’t as simple as you would think. Jesus himself was fairly abstract in his descriptions of a Follower. He said “if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” and “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” We also know that Jesus was in the habit of spending time alone with The Father. The Apostle Paul is a bit more descriptive in his letters, saying “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart”. Acts 2 describes a Group of believers who “devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer…everyday they continued to meet together”. There are many other scriptures that add to our collective understanding of the “faith walk”. When you add it all up it doesn’t ever equal a nice neat tidy little formula. It is from any angle a reckless abandonment of everything to a God I’ve never seen. I think the obsession with formulas is mostly attributable to our selfish nature. I don’t think it is motivated by our true desire to know God and walk with him as much as a desire to haggle with the spirit of God over the cost of discipleship. We want to his bottom dollar price…”What’s the least I can offer…and still walk out of here with salvation…how bout a half an hour?” Again, I recognize that my thoughts are dripping with sarcasm which might undermine the truth of what I’m saying, but honestly I’m frustrated that this thinking is pervasive in the Church and I think our use of the phrase “quiet time” is perpetuating some bad theology! It’s all his time…some of it just happens to be quiet. By the way, this morning I did pause to approach God with a surrendered heart (quiet time). I intentionally didn’t say amen…we’re still talking.
Try not to put God in a box. Do something creative to show your love to him…imagine him laughing at something silly you do…ask God if he wants to go for a walk to see his creation…share your fears and frustrations with God as you experience them…be quiet…be loud…be sad…be funny…be real in his presence… There’s one person in the universe that totally gets you…and totally loves you!
One last thought…If you intend to only give God 30 minutes of your day. It might make more sense to talk to him 60 times throughout the day for 30 seconds or 120 times for 15 seconds. Discipleship is relationship, not routine!
I’m reading the book “downpour” , by James Macdonald. It’s a great book. I’ve been reminded that following God only ever makes sense when done wholeheartedly. I never consciously choose comfort or apathy…it just seems to be the natural current of life. I really do want God’s best and to offer him my best, but I have to be reminded often. I have recently begun to feel very new feelings and to make brand new associations as a result of the eight week old little boy that has captured my heart and attention. People have often told me that parenthood helped them understand God better than anything else in life. Well…it’s true! I’m in awe of what God has done. I would liken it to seeing TV in HD. You had no idea what you were missing, but you’ll never be satisfied again with the old blurry picture. The other day I was trying to get Terrell(my son) to look me in the eye. I had him about six inches from my face and was saying all of the right baby type stuff in a perfectly silly voice. He would look at me for a bit then turn his head to stare at the flowers on the couch. Over and over again I tried to get his attention. I was thinking, “Why are you staring at the stupid couch…I’m your father and I’m trying to bond with you…” It helped me realize that God must be supremely frustrated at times with my obsession with the foolish and mundane. God is offering me perfect love, but I’m often content with faded flowers. Thank you God for your patience and persistence. I am looking at you now…you are perfect and beautiful and captivating…you are my father and I am your boy
The apostle Paul said, “follow my example as I follow the example of Christ (1 Cor. 10:1).” At first glance, it seems like a really bold statement to make. I do wish that I felt that confident… I wish that my walk with Christ was so passionate and disciplined and consistent that I could confidently invite others to imitate my expression of faith. I rarely feel that confident. In fact , I’m almost “put out” by Paul’s confidence. Humility is a virtue that we can all easily agree is Christ-like, but confidence is too similar to pride or arrogance for comfort. It feels more safe and spiritually sensitive to say, ” Don’t look to me…look to Jesus…I’m just a sinner…I struggle just like you…”
I know that God wants me to approach him with confidence and to be more than a conquerer and walk in a spirit of love and power and self discipline. I think my idea of humility is a bit twisted sometimes. God doesn’t want me to be quiet or passive or timid. He wants me to be living a powerful and compelling life. As a recipient of God’s amazing grace, I should be so passionately following Christ that He radiates through me. I should be able to say “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ”. This is not a display of pride, but proof of submission. If I am following Christ and submitting to him daily, then I should have no problem saying to those around me, “this way to Jesus!”. I must remember that I am the light of the world! If you are in Christ…You are too! Let’s shine with confidence.
A couple of months ago we did a middle school night that featured a giant slip-n-slide. Before the event had officially begun there were already several boys whose fingers were starting to prune-up. The boys never need much enticement to get filthy and reckless. Girls, on the other hand, usually need to be coaxed into these shenanigans. Part of my calling in life is to get teens to not take themselves so seriously. This particular night I was having a terrible time getting the girls to participate. Initially, only three or four of the girls got involved. Among them was a girl named Holly.
She has been involved in our Student Ministry for about a year and has steadily gotten more connected. She was sliding with beautiful abandonment…skinned knees…dirt in the ears…blade of grass in the corner of her mouth…
This Sunday I was deeply honored to baptize Holly. She was so excited! After coming out of the water she just sat there and began to cry. She was still crying when she left the Church. It was sincere childlike reckless abandon. I think this picture is a good spiritual metaphor. Living for Jesus is meant to be joyful… exciting… dangerous… messy… reckless… alive!!! Just dive as hard and fast as you can and enjoy the ride. If you come to die in the process, then you will have found life.
I tend to be a person who just trudges forward. A professor actually referred to me as “happy-go-ignorant”. I don’t think that was a compliment… For the most part, I do tend to live in the moment and not stress too much about tomorrow. When I start to bog down it’s usually because I start trying to cross bridges before I get to them or feel responsible for things out of my control.
Occasionally I will become aware of an especially busy schedule that is coming up and get stressed out. My flesh says “that’s too much stuff…I need me time”. Sometimes I can feel the anxiety rising up in me like a balloon stretching to it’s limits. Without fail, every single time I get this way God reminds me that He is God and I am not. I feel like God says to me, “Do the best you can with today…that’s all!”
I’m glad that I’m a passionate person. I think I’d rather be overwhelmed than underwhelmed. I’d rather be passionate than passive, but I have to keep things in perspective. This is God’s universe. I am his child. My life is his. My future is secure. If I dropped dead right now the world would keep on spinning and the only thing that would matter is that I am God’s adopted child. I want to be appropriately-whelmed. I think that means being in awe of my father’s glory, humbled by his love, and strengthened in His presence. After all, the best I can hope to do with this day is to bring honor to Him.
Being in charge of nightly bath-time for my 12 week old baby boy has revealed to me a new obsessive compulsive tendency. Every bath includes time spent in soapy water followed by a clean water rinse into the front of the tub, while the dirty water flows out a hole in the back (I tell Terrell that it’s a waterfall, but it’s just me directing the water past his head). Anyway…occasionally He will have an untimely bowel movement, which will leave him bathing in his own poop! One time I didn’t know it until I lifted him out! The point is…I would NEVER just pull him out of poop water and towel him off. We will repeat the process as many times as it takes for him to be clean. As his dad, I want him to be absolutely clean.
I think God must feel this way about me when I choose to think about, watch, or participate in the things that disgust him. I wonder if God is thinking “I didn’t go through all this to have you still be filthy”. I’m so thankful that God cares enough to keep cleaning up my mess! God help me to be Holy and pure like you!
