Why I feel like a bad Christian…
I’ve been thinking a lot about discipleship. I have several intuitive thoughts that I’ve decided to work out…right here…right now… I’m genuinely interested in feedback and would love to incite some dialogue.
My walk with Christ is the most important and defining part of me and of my worldview. I have dedicated my life, career, family, and resources to building the Kingdom of God, through my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe Jesus is my savior and my access to the Father. This is all absolutely true!!! I know that my life is in the hands of a perfect Father. So…Why am I so perpetually frustrated in my relationship with God? Why do I feel that the rituals and plans that have been prescribed to me always fall short of the promised intimacy and fulfillment? Why do I secretly wonder if others experience the same dryness? Even as I wrote that last question, I feared the judgment of the faithful ones, who just ended their quiet time with tears and tingles…
So here’s the UGLY truth…I can’t stand the phrase “quiet time”! For as long as I can remember “quiet time” has been the scourge of my Christian experience. I’ve been led to believe that the definitive gauge of my growth in and love for God is the quality of my quiet time! My relationship with God can best be expressed in some variation of this formula: 1)Have a consistent place that is comfortable and free of distraction 2)begin with prayer 3)move on to the word- a predetermined plan is preferable. 4)end with prayer and/or journal. All of this should take a minimum of 15 minutes (for beginners) or longer in proportion to ones spiritual maturity and depth…more than an hour is dangerous, as the very real possibility of self-righteousness begins to develop. Therefore, one should have a lengthy quiet time, but not so much as to promote pride. While variations of this formula do occur and are widely accepted, it should be noted that God only gives full credit for complete compliance and that partial compliance to this time honored formula is only acceptable in the case of extreme busyness, family emergency, or on the backside a conference or retreat and partial credit will only be allowed for an ambiguous amount of time… Please don’t be too put out by my sarcasm…I really can’t help it…you see… I didn’t have a quality quiet time today!!!
Seriously, I’ve recently been thinking about the undeniable human tendency to reduce the abstract and spiritual mysteries into a formula that can be distilled and packaged and reproduced. The problem isn’t “quiet time” or the notion of spending quality time with God. I think the problem begins with our understanding of relational connectivity to The God of the universe. Nowhere in scripture does God command us to dedicate a certain time to being with him. Nor does his proximity to us change based on our awareness of his presence…he is ever-present. God is not confined by any force! He is in all times and all places at the same time. Therefore it is silly of me to suggest that I will meet him at a certain time and place, as if he’s waiting there checking his watch. Many people that I talk to describe their “quiet time” as if it were an appointment or an item on the “to do” list. They will say “I’ve got to get back in the habit of doing my quiet time” or “I missed my quiet time this morning…I’m really struggling”. People seem to really think of it as a spiritual obligation. If I ask someone “how are you doing spiritually?” nine times out of ten they will respond “well, I’ve been working on my quiet time”. It seems to me that adherence to some spiritual formula is really tricky business, in light of the fact that the Biblical formula to meditate on the word of God at all times and to pray without ceasing doesn’t seem to allow for allotments of “God ” time. As I read the Scriptures, God is the absolute owner of my life, time, and resources. He doesn’t require some allotment of your time to satisfy his relational appetite, but rather has orchestrated a situation wherein you and I fully belong to Him! I actually think that as a Christian culture we have replaced “die to self” with the far more palatable “devotional time”. Death is too permanent and inconvenient. I’ve got far too many things to accomplish today…to be dead! Instead of getting caught up in the mysterious spiritual stuff, we are comforted by a measurable formula! Then we say,” Oh! I get it! Death to self means 30 minutes to an hour of devoted “god time! That is something I can do…just not today…I got too much to do!” The point is, if God doesn’t have all of me He doesn’t have me at all! If I believe that God is something to be added to my schedule, then I’ve fundamentally misunderstood the deal that God has offered to me in Christ!
I recognize that, on a practical level, sincere believers want to know how to remain in or abide in Christ…to walk with him daily. The answer to this question isn’t as simple as you would think. Jesus himself was fairly abstract in his descriptions of a Follower. He said “if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” and “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” We also know that Jesus was in the habit of spending time alone with The Father. The Apostle Paul is a bit more descriptive in his letters, saying “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart”. Acts 2 describes a Group of believers who “devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer…everyday they continued to meet together”. There are many other scriptures that add to our collective understanding of the “faith walk”. When you add it all up it doesn’t ever equal a nice neat tidy little formula. It is from any angle a reckless abandonment of everything to a God I’ve never seen. I think the obsession with formulas is mostly attributable to our selfish nature. I don’t think it is motivated by our true desire to know God and walk with him as much as a desire to haggle with the spirit of God over the cost of discipleship. We want to his bottom dollar price…”What’s the least I can offer…and still walk out of here with salvation…how bout a half an hour?” Again, I recognize that my thoughts are dripping with sarcasm which might undermine the truth of what I’m saying, but honestly I’m frustrated that this thinking is pervasive in the Church and I think our use of the phrase “quiet time” is perpetuating some bad theology! It’s all his time…some of it just happens to be quiet. By the way, this morning I did pause to approach God with a surrendered heart (quiet time). I intentionally didn’t say amen…we’re still talking.
Try not to put God in a box. Do something creative to show your love to him…imagine him laughing at something silly you do…ask God if he wants to go for a walk to see his creation…share your fears and frustrations with God as you experience them…be quiet…be loud…be sad…be funny…be real in his presence… There’s one person in the universe that totally gets you…and totally loves you!
One last thought…If you intend to only give God 30 minutes of your day. It might make more sense to talk to him 60 times throughout the day for 30 seconds or 120 times for 15 seconds. Discipleship is relationship, not routine!
I totally agree! I find it hard to just sit and give a 30 minute period to God a day. I don’t feel sincere if I do it that way. I’d rather be with Him all day long. Way to put it Greg!
Nice. Very true, and I am right there with you. Might I suggest for your next topic ‘why you feel like a horrible friend’
This is the best (and only quite honestly) defense I’ve read for LIVING a less works-based relationship with our Best Friend Christ. That scheduled time always sounded more like a doctor’s appointment to me although I DO NOT doubt that many Christians are best served communing with Him this way – we are all different.
Like you though Greg I don’t like the second hand citizen status that those of us who don’t have a regularly scheduled quiet time seem to have been shackled with.
Quiet time or clanging cymbal, resounding gong…
this is so try.I agree with everything you said.i agree with the quiet time thing i mean you should t just give god like an hour a day i think you should be with god and you faith all day.not just the time you give him for quiet time.
WOW!!!The only comment I seem to think will describe the source of this wisdom is: You have been with Jesus. You walk with Him; talk with Him and in His love abide.
Memrie helped me document and print this so I have it available to read and share with others. It’s so good to see you when you come this way. My love and prayers are countless in behalf of you and all my family. Grandma Newell
Greg,
You have hit the nail on the head! In my pursuit to please God because I loved Him so much and wanted Him in my life, I had found myself trying to “earn” His approval. I was trying to earn something that I was already mine from the beginning. Breaking free of the formulas and legalistic mindsets enabled me to really live for Christ – in my everyday, ordinary life.
your blog was very thought provoking for me on a number of levels. i won’t go into them all, but i will say this: don’t feel like the lone stranger in your dissatisfaction with prescribed rituals such as “quiet time”. i struggle with the same issues. We are urged and expected to do it, which is fine, but i think we expect way too much of it. we can’t encapsulate our entire relationship with the Almighty in a 30 minute “experience” any more than we can maintain a succesful marriage, or any other relationship, if we only interact for a few moments daily in a controlled, basically contrived environment.
i love my wife, and i cherish the brief times when we can be alone without distractions; but i live my life with her in a world of stimulus, distractions, involvements, shared activities, mutual relationships, disappointments and triumphs. that is where the strength of our marriage is cemented. we are not gazing into each others eyes during all of that, but we are experiencing it together, and i think that is the key. i try and think about God as much as i can during my daily activities, and when i stop and reflect on it, it is surprising to me how much time i do spend in reflection about Him, especially since i don’t consider myself a particularly “religious” guy. i rarely listen to the radio when driving alone; i prefer to ponder God, the universe, His true unknowable nature…i always pray that he will not think me presumptious, and he always rewards with a bit of insight. none of this is very “spiritual” in nature, it is just a result of my fascination with God and what He is really like.
i am rambling, but i do feel that the key is the ‘relationship’, not the ‘encounter’. the more we focus our expactations on a 30 minute encounter the more we are likely to miss out on the other 23-1/2 hours of relationship. keep up the blogs!
p turner
Hmm a very interesting dialogue . The point of if “”God doesn’t have all of me, he doesn’t have me at all ” is pretty scary — To me there is no perfect way of connecting , not while here on this earth . __God is so big , i know I cannot undestand the scope of his love . when we ask Jesus to save our souls –it is instantaneous , but are we automatically mature –totally surrendered beings to his will and his way of loving , serving , giving , connecting and understanding him and his word ???
I don’t think so — it is such a process — a lifetime of recomitting our life to him –
Sometimes we have mountaintop experiences and feel so close to him –other times in the valleys — we still love him — but are asking –Where are you God ??-
The thing I know is ,he sees me each day — He knows my heart, my surrender to
his will or not , my shortcomings — He so wired us differently in our beings — so many diverse personalities — and some we like ,and some not so much . God has things he has placed within us ( those spiritual gifts mentioned in the Bible ) and HE –will use all those diverse personalities and talents to reach people for him -
So i think there is not a proscribed way to have a ” quiet time ” Of course there are so many good books , ideas and studies to help us understand — For me it may be in many different ways –sometimes at home — sometimes in front of this computer — as I was checking in on my GG – people — and saw a pic of your sweet boy and now I am thnking of “GOD” and saying Jesus — how would you have me answer — if A new Christian who I am mentoring asked this question ??
Would I say that if he did his quiet time, only in the “proscribed way — “will he be successful in hearing from God ?
Some may walk along a trail and think of who GOd wants them to reach today — Some may be at the gym , listening to a sermon on headphones –or some reading a book by a Christian author — that brings about questions in our walk with him .
Some may meet someone they know in a grocery aisle and they share hurt and dissapointment in their life — and for the rest of the shopping time — you are praying and asking GOd — what can I do to help ??
Do we need to study his word and be praying daily , continually — absolutely we do !!!
I am an all day type of prayer , and at many different times — that this is God’s day — Am I doing the tasks I need to do today –in a manner that shows my love for others ?? How much do I love
those that are easy to love ,or those so different than me ?. Did I touch someones
heart , or make a difference for his kingdom today ?? Do I value those I see in other ministries at our church — ? Do I build them up ?
Somedays yes , others maybe not so much ??? So my question —-Is
God asking me whether my time with him was morning — in a very quiet place , in my car — at a job etc. for my days are not proscribed and can change on a phone call etc — So I would be failing a lot, if I kept my time with him in a very narrow — timeline or box — –He is saying “to me ” that loving “HIM ” and hearing him is like breathing — I know I need it to live , every day , moment , every second . So place or time does not matter , at least as God has revealed it to me -for “ME “-
This may have been rambling — and maybe did not answer your question , but comes straight from my heart – and I guess answered my own question —
Still striving to do his will , to grow in wisdom , knowledge and love-
Blessings – KAthy
Greg thank you for writing this… I love how you put into words what I couldn’t put into words so perfectly. Thank you.