I wrote this a while back, but never posted it…not sure why.
I’ve always felt an uncomfortable feeling in regards to my Christian experience. I believe it’s the canyon that separates who I am and who I think I should be. There’s a nagging sense that I’m way off the mark. Sometimes I get frustrated by these feelings, other times I simply ignore them, but they are fairly constant.
Is it possible that I’m just not good at being a Christ-follower? Is everybody else experiencing a different level of satifaction than me? What will happen if other people become aware of my questions? Do other people already know that I’m not perfect?
I have recently been trying to wrestle with these frustrating feelings. I genuinely desire to please God with my life. The consistent tendency for me is to pay closer attention to the things I do. My intentions are good, but my perspective is off. I find myself wanting to go through my day like a pre-flight routine…read Bible…check…prayer…check…Be plesant…check…encourage…check… The list goes on and on. All of the boxes are checked and therefore I am a spiritual giant…right?
The truth is…I can’t be like Jesus by checking boxes. It’s not about the stuff I’m doing. I don’t mean to dismiss any of the things on my checklist, but to remind myself that any of these things are more likely to produce self-righteousness then true Holiness if I’m not living by the Spirit. At the end of every day, there’s only one question that matters…did I walk closely with God? If I am intimately close to God then the boxes will get checked.